Crazy, Not Stupid!

He beat his chest! He bugged out his eyes! He howled into the sky, and yelled as loud as he could “I’m crazy, crazzzzzyyyy! I’m the craziest man in Uptown!” He would follow that by laughing hysterically, with one of the loudest and most distinctive laughs you’d ever hear. He had a laugh that would turn heads on a whole city block. It wasn't something you could ignore, it would either cause terror or amusement to everyone in earshot. 

Then, all of a sudden he'd stop! He’d stop beating his chest. He’d stop laughing. He'd stop yelling. His whole demeanor would dramatically change. His gigantic smile disappeared behind a hard, angry and penetrating glare. He’d barely blink and stare straight into my eyes and say, “I may be crazy, but don’t ever call me stupid. I ain’t stupid!” 

After making his point he’d switch back to smiling and being his usual loud, hyped up emotional self. 

I’ve heard and seen Shaun do a variety of his “I’m crazy, not stupid” routine many times! He was dead serious. To him, this was nothing to joke about! Even though it may have been one of craziest, frightening, or amusing things to see or experience, the message Shaun screamed into the air is something we can all learn from. There is something profoundly deep in his message. When we grasp what he meant, we can start to realize what gifts and opportunities we’re missing out on! When we grasp what he meant, we can start to experience how beautiful and unique people with differences are! When we grasp what he meant, that’s when we start accepting and embracing the Shaun’s in our lives, instead of casting them out! 

I was inspired to write this after watching a movie called "The Dark Horse". It's about an impoverished Māori man named Genesis Potini who lived on the East Coast of Aotearoa (NZ). Even though he lived with a bipolar disorder and was regularly hospitalized, even though he faced rejection, violence, and homelessness because of his mental illness, even though people wrote him off as stupid, Genesis was a chess genius who used his amazing abilities and an incredible amount of courage to inspire many impoverished young people in his hometown. When a few acquaintances went against the grain and embraced him as "differently abled" instead of "disabled", Genesis went from being cast aside to freely live his life, and in turn, bless countless others. 

Shaun, in his own crazy intense way, was making this point! Just like Genesis, he knew he was different, but just like Genesis, he also knew he was far more than his bipolar and schizophrenia. Just like Genesis, Shaun had to battle his impulses and paranoia that constantly got him in trouble, but just like Genesis, Shaun used his courage and creativity to protect and inspire others. Just like Genesis, Shaun felt the harsh cruelty of a judgemental unforgiving society, where he also felt the bitter rejection of violence, homelessness, hospitalizations, and imprisonment, but just like Genesis, Shaun had a lot to offer the world and he blessed many of us who knew him with his undeniable courage, untainted loyalty, and unmistakable love. 

I consider myself honored to know many people, like Shaun, that don't fit into this world's mold. After a long battle with sickness, after being unable to walk for his last 7 years, Shaun left this world last year! He was only 47, yet he taught me so much. He taught me to look beneath the surface and see the real person; a courageous, generous, loving man! From appearances, people saw this very loud 6 ft 3 black man with boundless energy as a threat, and as a result, certain neighbors quivered in fear and had 911 on speed dial. He told me stories of how he'd have to deal with the police because of their judgemental prejudices. He told me how one day he sat in his caseworker's car expressing his frustrations about being homeless, and neighbors called the police on him, fearing the life of his petite caseworker's life. She confirmed the story! She told us how she was never in danger, but as a result of some intrusive racial profiling, she had to deescalate both the aggressive police who assumed the worst and a now overly aggravated Shaun who knew exactly why the police were there. 

Our jails tell a sad tale of our discrimination, criminalization, and stigmatization! Did you realize that Cook County Jail is this country's biggest single-site jail? Did you realize that over one-third of the jail's inmates have been diagnosed with a mental illness? Did you realize this makes it one of the country's biggest mental health providers? Did you realize most of these men and women have not committed violent crimes? Did you realize they remain in jail as a result of their poverty? As a country, we have chosen to punish, isolate and disgrace those who need our love and support. We have chosen to traumatize an already traumatized people. Not only that, in doing so, we have neglected and ignored the beautiful gifts they could be bringing into our communities. 

I write this to encourage us to embrace the differences we all have. Lift up instead of pulling down! Instead of discriminating and preventing, let us give people opportunities to shine and bring their light into the world. We're afraid to get messy. We're afraid of being embarrassed. We're afraid to be challenged! We’re afraid to change what defines beauty. Yet, when we open these doors, our world shines a lot brighter and we all become a lot more courageous. 

Did Shaun cause stress? Yes, of course, he did! Did Shaun's lack of impulse control turn relaxing moments into utter chaos? Yes, of course! I remember having to bring peace to an "out-of-control" Shaun who was triggered because someone significantly smaller than him took his peanut butter cup and he went after him to beat him to a pulp. Those moments aren't easy, trust me! But those moments shouldn't make us isolate people and throw them into solitary confinement. Shaun wasn't stupid, he was incredibly intuitive, lit up a room and brought his beauty into any situation. Though he struggled with crippling paranoia, he embraced those he trusted and I was honored to always be introduced (by him) as his younger brother! (He called Sandy his mother)

I call this blog "setting prisoners free" for a reason. In Luke 4 Jesus proclaimed that he came to set the burdened, battered, and prisoners free. He announced it as his mission, and as followers of him, we should make ours also! We can start doing this by not bullying, diminishing, and isolating certain people. The world is great at that! Instead, we should flip the script, we should follow the example of Jesus, who embraced those who were told not to bother him. Even though they were sick, burdened, battered, and prisoners, Jesus didn't listen to the hostile voices, and instead, gave them new freedom, hope, and his compassionate love! 

As a community, as a people who believe in the resurrection power that sets people free, I believe Shaun found the freedom to be himself, and in turn, to bless all us who were honored to know him.