Friday, February 6, 2015

Making the Impossible Possible!

When I first came to Chicago about 18 years ago, I got to know this chronically homeless couple who lived in Uptown. At that time, I was helping run a soup kitchen, so every Thursday, Friday and Saturday, this fragile couple would stumble into our cafeteria and eat. They would occasionally sleep at Cornerstone, but most of the time, you'd find them sleeping outside in various uninhabitable places; you could find them either in the park, in abandoned buildings, under a local viaduct or, if it was really cold, I'd find them sleeping in the entrance way of our building.

This couple was out there! They were out there bad! It's hard to describe what I saw every time I bumped into them. They were normally drunk and high, hunched over and looking very sickly. Barely able to move; they would shuffle along with their shopping cart, assisting each other. Due to the harsh reality of their lifestyles, addictions and homelessness, they would rotate in and out of jail, prisons and Emergency Rooms. It was sad and hard to see!

They had a reputation, and it wasn't a good one! People saw them as absolutely hopeless. Their homeless buddies grieved over them. Even the police, who dealt with them a lot, feared they'd die on the streets. They'd been "out there" for well over a decade! As you can imagine; It was hard for me to see any hope for this couple; the bottle, the pipe and so many other things gripped them and they weren't letting go. When we'd talk, I got the impression they didn't seem to have any hope for themselves either. They seemed to have resigned themselves to a life of drinking, drugging and living on the streets.

And then, surprisingly and completely out of the blue, they disappeared from Uptown. No one knew where they'd gone; they just vanished! But a memory of them had remained; where they often slept, they'd etched their names into the wet cement under a local viaduct, so I every time I'd walk to the lake, I was reminded of this quiet fragile couple. I'd pray for them and wondered what had happened to my friends. Were they still alive? Were they still homeless? Were they still drunk? Were they still hustling? Were they still alone? 

To my utter surprise, as quickly as they had vanished from my sight, we were suddenly united again. This time it was through Facebook. I had a friend request, but I didn't recognize her name at first; so we "instant messaged" and quickly realized that I was speaking to the lady who's name I'd seen hundreds of times, etched deeply into the concrete. I couldn't believe it; she and her husband were alive and well in another city. They were successfully housed. They'd been clean and sober for over 5 years and now she actually has a job motivating people to overcome their addictions. I couldn't believe it: What a turnaround! What a miracle! 

These 2 names that had once symbolized so much despair and hopelessness, now symbolize so much grace and hope. Their names and their stories have helped me realize that change is possible, miracles happen and hope is real. When I see their 2 names etched deeply into that concrete, I know God has the power to turn even the most tragic of tales into glorious stories of hope. 

I want to encourage you all tonight! Each and every one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made. God wants the best for us all and loves us all deeply! No matter what we've done, no matter what's been done to us, no matter how bad our reputations may be, God's love is there and the thought of this couple, spurs me on and reminds me of these truths. The thought of this chronically homeless couple teaches me that, God is able to take the worst of all situations and turn it into something wonderful and good! This couple encourages me, because when I encounter hopeless situations today, I know with God, "anything and everything is possible". 

Jesus reminds us that in Luke 18:27: "Things that are impossible with people are possible with God." (NIRV)

We need to believe this and cling on to the forgiveness, grace, mercy and love of Jesus! When Jesus died on that cross, He made radical change possible for anyone and everyone; when Jesus died on that Cross, He made the impossible, possible! it doesn't matter if we're an arrogant crack smoking Wall Street broker, sitting on death row, sleeping under a viaduct or faithfully going to church every Sunday, we all need His salvation, forgiveness and grace. Jesus has made that change possible! 

When I look back at this couple: Everyone, and I mean everyone, including themselves, had given up on them and saw no hope, but God saw potential; God had hope; God still loved them! This is the power of the Cross. He made new Hope possible for this couple, and when they were at their weakest, they accepted His hand, His loving offer, grabbed it, ran with it and haven't let go! 

King David was at a point of despair; he'd done some terrible things. One day, when he was supposed to be at war, he watched this beautiful woman bathe. His life spiraled out of control, as she was married to another man, he lusted over her, used his power to sleep with her, got her pregnant and then used his immense power again to have her husband murdered to hide the pregnancy. After doing all this, he married her! People thought David was a great king, but I'm sure he was racked with terrible guilt and didn't know what to do, so he hid it. David was able to keep the terrible things he'd done hidden from other people, but he couldn't hide them from God. 

God's response is beautiful and gives us hope, He didn't cast David aside, ignore him or kill him. God responded out of love. He met David and didn't forget him. David was disciplined by God, but He also made new opportunities available. Even though David had been very unfaithful, God made a loving decision and to send Nathan, his prophet, to confront him. As a result, David humbled himself, broke down in tears and prayed these powerful words; "God, create a pure heart in me. Give me a new spirit that is faithful to you. Don't send me away from you. Don't take your Holy Spirit away from me. Give me back the joy that comes from being saved by you. Give me a spirit that obeys you. That will keep me going." (Psalm 51:10-12 NIRV) 

God calls us, just like He came to David! He makes the moves, calling us to Him and renewing our Hope. We need to come to Him humbly, just like David did. We need Him, as He will cleanse us and make miracles happen. He renewed David, and gave him another chance. God renewed the couple under the Wilson Viaduct and gave them another chance! If we listen to God and humbly come to Him, He will renew us and give us, yet another chance!  

When I think of King David and his renewed life, when I think of my "once chronically homeless" friends living their renewed lives, hope washes over me as I think of another chronically homeless friend of mine, nicknamed "Red". After decades of sleeping outside, drinking gallons of vodka, riding trains in a drunken state, rotating in and out of Nursing Homes and stumbling half comatose around good ol' Uptown, I got Red into a detox program last Friday. Due to his past, a tainted reputation and countless failures, this may seem like a hopeless, pointless and impossible endeavor, but hope reigns, because Jesus makes the impossible possible! There is still hope for Red, and maybe, just maybe, this will be the time Red clings on and doesn't let go! Maybe, this is the time the impossible becomes possible! That is my prayer! 

When Jesus rose from the grave, the impossible became possible! We must believe in the power of the cross, the power of the resurrection, because no matter what lies you're telling yourselves, no matter what rut you're in, no matter what reputations you've earned, these things do not have the power to keep you down or to keep you from changing. As believers, we are called "New Creations"; the old has gone and the new has come. Jesus died on that Cross, Jesus meets us in our afflictions and in our weakness, so we can start afresh and become new creatures!

As new Creations, we are given promises that we need to grasp onto; promises of change, promises that God won't forsake us, promises that God is with us and will fill us with His Spirit! Listen to one of these promises, found in Romans 8:37; "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (MEV)

Even though we may have been very unfaithful, even though we may get attacked on all sides, even though our reputations may be tainted, there is hope! There is hope, even beyond our wildest imaginations. This verse gives me so much hope, because it's telling me that we can not only conquer our struggles, but we can be "more than conquerors"; this verse speaks of unlimited potential. This verse tells me that God is able to take the most unfaithful person, turn them around and use them, powerfully for His Kingdom.

This promise isn't just empty words. This is the power of the Gospel. This is the power of His Kingdom. These words speak the truth of how God turns things around time and time again. He takes people in their affliction and weaknesses and makes them "more than conquerors". Look at what He did to Moses. Look at what He did to King David after his murderous acts. Look at how He changed the Apostle Paul and look at how he took this chronically homeless couple, hopelessly living under the Wilson Viaduct, and transformed them into motivational speakers, addiction counselors and agents of change.

If God made all of them "more than conquerors", He can also do the same for Red. 
If God made all of them "more than conquerors", He can use us, change us and make us "more than conquerors" also.


A brief summary of why I wrote this: There's a ministry on the West-side of Chicago called Mission:USA; every Tuesday night they have a Church service called The BRIDGE. Their services are open to everybody, but especially those who find it hard to gel in their local congregations! Or to put into cruder terms; a lot of these men and women are ex-offenders, homeless and low-income folk who have felt ostracized and rejected by many churches, so their mission is to be a bridge between prison, the streets and the Church. The Bridge helps these wonderful men and women find churches that will welcome them with open arms.....
And isn't this exactly what the Gospel and the "Kingdom of God" is all about?
 
Every Tuesday night, The Bridge has a host team from a Church, who greet the guests and provide a meal. The guests anonymously submit questions about their "walk of faith", and staff from The Bridge pick out a relevant question. Meanwhile, they have invited 3 pastors from 3 different churches to come and give a 10 minute sermon each about this specific question or topic. In my humble opinion, this is a great concept and ministry, who's staff is very loving, compassionate and supportive to the "least of these".

This was a sermon preached on 2/3/15, in response to this question;“Staying Faithful”


How can I stay faithful to my wife, my friends, and to God, when I've never been faithful before? I'm afraid I don't know how.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Eclectic Hope!

This evening, I am simply writing to reflect on my eclectic afternoon.... 

Like most of my days, I was smacked with many ups and downs, emotion and joy, despair and hope! It's part of the wonder of working with people experiencing homelessness; nothing plateaus, things are always changing! 

Today, I was able to assist 5 people financially in different ways. One poor lady, with tears streaming down her face, had been given a "5 day notice". I helped her to catch up on her rent, so with $300, she now won't get evicted. One ecstatic mother just got employed, but she couldn't get to her new job, so I was able to give her 2 weeks worth of transportation. I was also able to assist 3 guys get their birth certificates; 2 of them stay at our shelter, while the other one sleeps outside and had come to see me after I had met him under a local viaduct in last week. 

Just after lunch, I wandered over to Target to get a gift card for Ange (pictured below). He had unexpectedly been approved to move into his own apartment, but his place is barren and is in need of some household items. Ange was overjoyed and very thankful. I marvel and find hope in fellas like him; he has come over to the U.S. from the Congo, where he has faithfully persevered and struggled to eventually reach his goal! Well done Ange; you did it! 


My walk to and from Target was interesting; it normally is.....

I got a phone call from a friend who works for a local agency, he wanted me to take someone into our shelter. I know him; I know him well! He's a disabled and very mentally ill man around 60, who dresses in women's clothes and lives outside. We'd tried to find him during last week's artic blast, but we couldn't. With his health issues, age and lack of mobility, such weather could literally kill him and I'd thrown up a few prayers last week for this poor fella. Thankful he was still alive, I told the outreach worker we'd take him in and find a spot for him! 

In Target, I see an older Hispanic gentleman sleeping. One night last week, during the subzero temperatures, I got him out of the cold. While driving around, we saw him in McDonald's and I asked him to come to inside; he obliged, but he only stayed that night. Today, I woke him up and invited him back to Cornerstone. His English isn't too good, and my Spanish is awful, but I was able to communicate that a safe, warm bed was available to him and he needed to come over. He worried me, because I knew that under his cap, he has a lot of exposed staples in his head. I don't know how he received this head injury, but I definitely knew that sleeping outside would be dangerous for this elderly fella that didn't have a place to lay his head.

These 2 guys amaze me; I don't know how they survive, but somehow they do! There always seems to be strength, when it looks like there isn't any. I pray as I write this, that they made it and they're both sleeping peacefully and safely under our roof. 

These men and women I encountered today, tell different stories of tragedy, rejection, hatred and a messed up system. But we also can't forget, light shines in the darkness. These few lives also tell powerful tales of God's Kingdom, love, compassion and hope. 

Though this world can be so dark and full of despair, my desire is to keep bringing Light and Hope into Uptown, and that God's Loving Kingdom will shine radiantly through His people....

Monday, January 12, 2015

Frozen Outreach....

This is a visual diary of our week of outreach, going out into frigid Chicago weather; right here in Uptown.....

Temperatures dropped drastically, some snow fell and a few of us ventured outside to try and help those who are experiencing homelessness. We see this as a crucial and vital part of our ministry, because there are so many people "sleeping rough" and living in shelters in Uptown, and such extreme weather changes can result in frostbite, hypothermia and even death. 

Here's my visual diary of our adventures....

It started on Sunday night, Sandy and I hopped in the van and drove around to various locations in Uptown and Edgewater; we went out to find people, offer asistance and bring them in, out of the cold....
This is one of the parks I searched in Edgewater. Down this long path, there are often people camped out. I know of one guy who recently lost one of his feet and all 5 toes of his other foot, due to frostbite. It happened in this location and in warmer weather. Thankfully, on this frigid night, no one was down there.

Here I am speaking and offering services to one of the guys under an Uptown viaduct. He didn't want to come in, but we continue to offer what we can, so he can eventually get housed. This guy is a survivor; he stayed out all last winter and knows what to do to survive in such horrible weather.
At another Uptown viaduct; we found King, who was more than willing to come with us. His hands were wet and frozen; a perfect recipe for getting frostbite.
Here he is, getting his belongings. The next day, he thanked us profusely and showed me his glossy fingers. He knew he was getting frostbite and wondered if he would have survived the night. He kept saying "thank you; you saved my life."

We have a number of different programs at CCO; they can all remain inside 24 hours a day except for one program, our Interim Shelter for Single Men. Every evening, these men need to walk about a mile from CCO to where they sleep at Epworth United Methodist Church for the night, and in the morning they return back to CCO for meals, casework and other necessities! It's a nice walk in on a pleasant night, but in frigid temperatures and blasting wind chills, it can be deathly. We also have to remember, many of these guys are senior citizens, while a few others have major health concerns. 

So what was our response? a few of us (Beth, Sandy, Chris, Stewart and myself) doubled up and took turns in filling up and driving this 15 passenger maxi-van to and from Epworth Church. The men really appreciated it....
Here we are at Epworth United Methodist Church; everyone is getting out the van and heading inside.
This is a photo of the second group of guys lining up and getting into the maxi-van at CCO.

As a "warming center", we gave people a safe place to rest their weary bones, a hot shower and warm blankets to lay under. During this particular week many wonderful donations came in; we were blessed with 60 brand new cots, 100 new blankets and over a hundred comforters. These items, along with the "New Life for Old Bags" mats, food, coats, hygiene products, socks, clothing and many other things that have come through our doors, serve to help these men and all the other residents who stay at CCO. All these items are blessings, and they truly help people living in unfortunate circumstances find a little more comfort and get the assistance they need. 

Nothing like getting out of the cold, having a hot shower and getting some new clean clothes. King was in danger of frostbite and hypothermia, now he's able to relax and read his book in warmth and comfort.

Some of the new cots we received this week. What an amazing blessing!


Another view of the cots, a NLOB mat and people being able to lay down to get a good night's sleep. It may not be perfect, but it's better than sleeping on the trains or outside in freezing temperatures.
another view of the warming center!

We're happy to say: Not only did people move from the outside to inside, we had a couple men successfully move from their homeless situations and into their own apartments. This is always a blessing to see, and it is always an honor to be part of these journeys....

Wendell holding his keys to his new apartment!
Robert, a Vietnam Veteran, holding his new keys. We were also able to bless him with a very nice TV, that had just come in on donation.

Well, that was my week, it was busy, chaotic and hectic, but it was also enjoyable and a privilege to be a part of all this. These men are troopers, they humble me, because in even the harshest of circumstances, their faith and hope is so strong. They teach me so much, the love and grace of God, truly rests upon them....

Let us not forget these words, found in Isaiah 42:3
"He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt
and He won't disregard the small and insignificant,
but He'll steadily and firmly set things right"

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

A Little Needed Boost!

2014: a lot happened, and much more will continue to happen as we move into 2015.....

People experiencing homelessness often just need a little boost that will help them move onto and into their next phase. That boost may seem small and insignificant to most people, but to a person or family caught up in the blues of being homeless, these little boosts are enormous and remarkably significant.

All the numbers and statistics I'm going to mention, is about putting another small piece into a large puzzle. Each piece may not seem important at the time, but in reality, they are all vitally important and serves a purpose. 

Over the past 9 years, I've had the honor of being Cornerstone's Fund Manager. This position entails getting a financial allotment every month from The Emergency Fund to give to those who have an immediate need. This money has been, and continues to be, a wonderful and much needed gift to those who are moving out of homelessness and toward self sufficiency. 

Many of the things I'm going to mention also came out of Cornerstone's own pocket, while other things come from the generous giving and gifting of donors and there are a few things which are free. Knowing how and when to access it all, for the best of the people in need, comes from the wisdom, knowledge and expertise of our case managers and outreach workers. 

Every day, the residents of Cornerstone and people experiencing homelessness within Uptown, have the opportunity to receive their basic necessities, such as a bed, blankets, food, clothing, case-management, showers and hygiene items. This stuff is vital and helps homeless folk survive, but my emphasis here is to go beyond that and to focus on some specific needs; the often "more difficult" stuff people need to truly move from penniless to being financially stable, from unemployment into employment and from homelessness into permanent housing... 

In today's society, people cannot move forward if they don't have Identification.
IDENTIFICATION....
  • This year we helped 261 people obtain their birth certificates. Most of these were from Chicago for a mere $15 each. We also helped people get theirs from all over the United States for a variety of prices. 
  • If you're homeless, State IDs are free in Chicago with the right documentation. We helped well over 100 people get theirs. We also assisted 12 people get their drivers licenses for $30 a pop.
  • A relatively high percentage of people come through our doors with absolutely no identification. You need one form of ID to get another form of ID, so it's extremely tricky to navigate and there's a specific order people must follow, so we have helped many people obtain their Social Security Cards, Medical Records and High School transcripts to make this happen. This whole process can take weeks (even months) and frequently costs a few bucks.
Seeing someone get a job is always a blessing, but if that person is homeless and without income, there's often huge obstacles to being able to keep employed, help is often needed.
EMPLOYMENT.....
  • This year, financed through The Emergency Fund, I gave out 120 "7 Day" transit cards and 4 monthly passes. "7 Day" cards are worth $28 or $33 each, while a "monthly" pass is $100. Too often, homeless people lose their jobs simply because they can't afford to get to work. We weren't going to let this happen, so we provided that transportation until they got their first paycheck.
  • I am unsure of the exact numbers, but small cash amounts was placed on transit cards hundreds (if not thousands) of times this year. This is financed through CCO, and gives people ample opportunities to get to vital interviews, appointments and other important meet-ups. Making this available, creates countless opportunities for benefits, employment and housing. 
  • I helped 5 people get their rap sheets at $16 each, increasing their possibilities of getting employed.
  • I helped 2 people get their PERC cards. This costs over $50, and is the proof and documentation that they are licensed Security Officers. 
  • When people get employed, apart from transportation, there are often other financial needs as well. On 12 different occasions, I was able to help people get uniforms, steel toe boots, shoes, black pants and other clothing. Without these specific clothing items, these 12 people would have struggled to keep themselves employed.

When someone moves from the plight of being homeless into housing, there's often a little boost that's needed to make this transition actually happen, and this occurs in many ways. Sometimes, it's just a couple hundred bucks, (a little more or even less), that can make a huge difference in someone's life. It can take a person or family who is homeless and help them become stably housed.
HOUSING....
  • An enormous obstacle for anyone experiencing homelessness is the fact they often need to pay both their first month's rent and Security Deposit to move into their own crib. This barrier is huge for anyone on limited income. This year we helped 7 people financially with rental assistance.
  • We also assisted 6 people pay their Security Deposit and another with her application fee.
  • Sometimes people move into their new cribs, and with most of their money gone, they can't afford anything to put into it, so in 2014, we assisted 12 people get household items. This often comes through a "gift card", so they can purchase vital things like pots, pans, sheets, fans and so forth.
  • We also helped 3 people purchase new mattresses. Imagine finally moving into your own place, only to have you and your children sleep on the floor; it happens too frequently. We've also given away many mattresses and baby cribs that were donated to us.
  • When it comes to housing, we assist people in countless ways. Ron faithfully drives many people and all their belongings to their new apartment and helps them move in. We help a lot of people find dressers, TVs, microwaves, kitchen supplies, food and many other necessities from the endless flow of donations we receive. Our case managers and outreach workers ensure people don't miss vital appointments, making sure it all happens.
I hope this write-up gives a little insight into some of the numbers and ways we assisted people in 2014. It takes a lot of time, effort, love and prayer from many different people working together to make things happen. In this blogpost I focused more on the financial aspect, but it couples with another write-up I recently did, titled Making Housing Happen!, which focused more on our wholistic approach. 

In 2014, it was a pleasure, an absolute joy, to see and celebrate with so many people throughout this past year. It's been an honor to take people's photos, as they proudly hold up their keys, smiling and proclaiming, "yay; thankyou, we did it!" 

May these stories of hope, celebration, love and success flow freely into and throughout 2015! 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas For The Ignored and Abandoned! Part 2

On Tuesday morning we handed out gifts to all the families who stay with us at Cornerstone. Presents are also given to those families who were once homeless and are now housed, along with some parents and grandparents who can't afford to buy their "little ones" anything this Christmas.

The tireless workers ensure that every child, along with every parent, receives gifts! It is truly remarkable! It involves many donors, volunteers and staff dedicating an enormous amount of love, time, effort and money for our families who are experiencing homelessness. Every year I marvel how it all comes together and how hundreds of women, men and children are blessed! I marvel at how those who often feel unloved and rejected, feel loved and accepted during this season! 

Each family receives a variety of wrapped gifts that are "age-appropriate". We were able to give away presents like basketballs, dolls, games, lego sets, art kits, books and countless other toys! The children all receive a few toys each, while the parents and teenagers are often blessed with gift cards and electronics. 

This year was no different; everyone was stunned, was incredibly grateful and had a wonderful time. They kept saying "thank you", over and over again!

Families who are experiencing homelessness, are often ignored and forgotten during the Christmas season. They are in a place they'd rather not be; they'd rather spend Christmas in their own cribs! They often do not expect anything, and are often racked with the guilt of having to live with their kids in a homeless shelter. Many are often wondering how they'll even be able to purchase anything for their "shorties". 

Unfortunately, most families are expecting to be ignored and forgotten again. Yet, I'm happy to say, it is a very different reality here in Cornerstone.....

This season is remarkable. Not only are they blessed with all these gifts, but over several weeks, Churches and other organizations come to CCO and cook them amazing meals, take them to restaurants and volunteer much time and effort. These families certainly know they have been remembered. These families certainly know they have not been ignored and forgotten! 

So, it is always a joy to be part of this and to surprise them. It is always a joy to see the unexpected delight and happiness form on their faces, knowing they have been remembered and loved! 

....and isn't this what Christmas is all about? 
....isn't this why the Christ-child came into the world, bringing a new Kingdom of Love and Hope? A Kingdom that elevates, saves and surprises those who are homeless, sick, marginalized, rejected, ignored and abandoned.
Surprising people in our dark world, with unexpected rays of love and light! 
Surprising people, who think all is lost, with new gifts and new Hope! 
Surprising people, who've been cast aside by this world, by remembering them and making sure they know they are loved and not forgotten! 





Sunday, December 21, 2014

Christmas For the Ignored and Abandoned.

On Friday we had our annual Christmas party for the men who stay with us at Cornerstone. It was also attended by those who were once homeless and are now housed, and also by some of the homeless men who sleep outside in the neighborhood.

We had a great meal of bbq chicken, pork chops, mac'n'cheese, spaghetti, rolls, salad and cake. It was delicious and they all loved it. 

Each man received a bag with a variety of gifts. We were able to give away presents like hoodies, hats, gloves, scarves, high quality dress-shirts and pants, peanuts, chocolates, flashlights, hygiene kits, gift cards and many other things. 

Everyone who attended was incredibly grateful and had a wonderful time. They kept saying "thank you" over and over again!

Men who are experiencing homelessness, are often ignored and forgotten during the Christmas season. Many of these men do not expect anything. They, unfortunately, are expecting to be ignored and forgotten again. 

So, it is always a joy to be part of this and to surprise them. It is always a joy to see the unexpected delight and happiness form on their faces, knowing they have been remembered and loved! 

....and isn't this what Christmas is all about? 
....isn't this why Jesus came into the world, bringing a new Kingdom of Love? A Kingdom that elevates, saves and surprises those who are sinners, sick, marginalized and abandoned?
Surprising people in our dark world, with unexpected rays of love and light! 
Surprising people, who think all is lost, with new gifts and new hope! 
Surprising people, who've been cast aside by this world, by remembering them and making sure they know they are loved and not forgotten! 




Sunday, December 14, 2014

Breaking the Cycle!

When I first read tonight's question; I immediately thought of an elderly friend of mine who passed away a couple years ago. His name is Troy. This man's story showed me how change, even good change, can be scary and can intimidate us.

I'm going to head back to 2007; Troy was homeless, so we took him in and gave him a bed with us at Cornerstone. Troy had a reputation of being a hardcore alcoholic; he was known for sleeping in dirty alley ways or under viaducts, coddling a bottle of gin. He was doing well with us and staying sober. He hadn't touched a lick for months. I'd go to his area, his bed was perfectly made and his King James bible was always open. It was a good sign! We'd play chess together, have deep theological discussions and he'd attend a bible study Darrell and I were running at the time. 

I was proud of him, he'd come a long way. Our shelter was good for him. Troy had found freedom from the bottle and was doing great! Our goal at Cornerstone, is to help people move from homelessness and move  into permanent housing. With Troy, it was no different, he'd been with us for quite a while (over a year) and had actually saved a few thousand dollars with us. It was time he moved into his own crib.

We discussed his need to use that money, he'd express interest in moving, but nothing was really happening, so I set up a housing appointment for him. This place was in the same neighborhood, it was subsidized and he'd still have our support. It seemed like the perfect answer to meet his ongoing needs. It seemed like the perfect place for him to settle down and relax for his remaining years! 

The day of the appointment came and Troy wasn't around; he was nowhere to be found. After a couple of hours, he stumbled back to the shelter, slurring his words. He'd gone out early that morning and bought a bottle of gin. He was very intoxicated and a little aggressive; I couldn't believe it! 

It took only a couple minutes and a few sips of alcohol, but Troy's life started spiraling out of control again. We tried to set up new appointments, we tried to set up new goals, but that bottle had gripped him. I couldn't believe it, all that hard work was quickly washing down the drain. His area got messier, his bible lay closed and then it vanished, he was getting hostile and all that "saved money" was rapidly disappearing. 

I'll be honest with you all, Troy's downfall was incredibly hard to watch and live through. I felt helpless; I tried everything I could to get this man back on track, but at that moment, that liquor bottle was far more powerful than I. All I could do was pray for God's love and mercy on this poor wretched man that I loved and deeply respected! 

The reason I'm telling you about my friend Troy is this: even though we could have got him into good supportive permanent and subsidized housing, change terrified him! Even though this place would have been perfect for him, he obviously felt he needed to calm his nerves with a couple sips of gin. I believe he "freaked out", because he was overwhelmed by the fact that he was leaving his comfort zone, his security and his support network. This was a place where he'd found long term sobriety and supporting friends, and he felt intimidated, because he would be entering into something new; a place that was new and unknown to him!

Troy's downfall taught me something, it reminded me, that...
Change can be very scary.
At times, let's face it, change is downright scary. 
Change isn't easy; in fact, breaking our cycles, disrupting our routines, moving out of our comfort zones and making the needed change can be very hard and overwhelming!
Troy's story reminded me that we are often intimidated and overwhelmed by change!

I know I can feel this way too; change often scares, intimidates and overwhelms me! I can be scared and often want to stay just where I am! I don't want to change! I want to stay comfortable, I want to feel secure, even if it's not the best for me. Just like Troy, something needs to change, but I often don't want to take that risk! Just like Troy, I want to stay where I am! For health reasons, for my high blood pressue, I know I should eat better, but I don't! I know I should exercise for the same reason, but I don't! I know I should go to bed earlier, but I don't! 

I also see it all the time at Cornerstone. Someone has an appointment, and just like Troy, somehow and in some way, they sabotage it! They don't do it on purpose. I don't think people want to stay homeless. I don't think Troy wanted to stay homeless. I don't think Troy wanted to be an alcoholic, controlled by the bottle and unable to move forward! I think people want to get housed, but change triggers fear and overwhelms us. It could be they're scared of being alone. It could be the fear of failing. The fear of drinking again. The fear of losing friends. The fear of entering an unknown territory. The fear of feeling uncomfortable! 

Our fears of change are nothing new. We see it happening time and time again throughout history. Let's briefly travel back to the time of Moses.

God, through Moses, had just freed the Israelites from centuries of slavery and oppressive power, yet these people wanted to return to their old life. Even though they'd just seen the amazing miraculous power of God, they looked back. Even though God had promised them a new start, a new life and a new land, they looked back to their days of slavery and oppression. Change scared them. The unknown scared them. They were afraid. They wanted to return to their old life because they saw various obstacles or hurdles surrounding them! God was taking them into a better life, He had promised them freedom, they saw His miracles and power every day, but they kept looking back! They were scared to move forward. They wanted to return to what they know, or "stay put", in the security of their old life.

Imagine witnessing the 10 plagues that God fired down on Pharaoh and the Egyptians. Imagine seeing a pillar of cloud during the day and pillar of fire at night. Imagine knowing that God was doing all this for you. Imagine knowing that God was performing these miracles to set you free! These people knew God was in charge and had their back, yet listen to what the people said to Moses: “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” (Exodus 14:11-12 NIV)

They had the promises! They had God on their side! They had God directing them. They had God promising them and their children a better future, yet they still questioned him. They were still afraid, they were afraid of change, they were afraid of the unknown. Yet if I'm honest with myself, I stand here guilty of the same things. I see obstacles, I see difficulties, I don't like the look of the path God's telling me to go down, so what do I do? I often choose to stay put; I often choose to play it safe; I often choose fear over faith! 

Moses heard their complaints and now listen to what Moses told them; “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14 NIV)

We know the story, God delivered them mightily that day; He performed another miracle! God parted the Red Sea and they walked through on dry land. The chasing Egyptians, the army that had oppressed them for centuries, drowned before their eyes. They were saved. They were delivered. They were set free! 

Yet, even through all that, these people kept doubting God and fearing change. He kept performing mighty miracles before their eyes. Because of their lingering doubt, rebellion and fear, they ended up wandering the desert for 40 years, but God kept all His promises and He kept delivering them. They eventually made it to the promised land, and God was faithful; He met all their needs and they saw His glory time and time again.

God's word to the Israelites, is also for us. It's for anyone who's scared of making the needed change. It's for anyone who doesn't know how to make the next step. God is telling us "do not be afraid, take a risk, stand firm, I've got you, I'm with you, I'll fight for you!" He's asking us to have faith and be courageous, so we can take the next step. 

There's a reason He can tell us to take that "leap of faith", He loves us so deeply and He has the power and ability to always keep His promises. He can tell us that, because He will fight for us! He's asking us to stand firm and obey Him, and when we do, we will see the deliverance of the Lord, we will see His miracles, we will know His love and we will see His promises come to fruition! 

My friend Troy hit rock bottom, he went back to passing out in dirty alleyways and under viaducts, but thankfully, his story didn't end in tragedy. He eventually took the risk and took a leap of faith, he tackled his fear, embraced change and found a place. Thankfully, Troy was able to live his final few years in peace and sobriety.

The abolitionist, Frederick Douglass, said, "if there is no struggle, there is no progress!" We make a major mistake if we think change is supposed to be easy; there will always be struggles and obstacles along the way. Moving down new paths takes a lot of courage; it takes faith; it means stepping out into the unknown. We can't move forward, if fear is controlling us. We need to move forward in faith, knowing and believing that God will keep His promises, knowing and believing that He is walking with us and knowing and believing that He loves us. 

As we go about our lives this week, think about the changes God is calling you to make, I want to encourage you all with one more verse. In Isaiah 41:10, God says; "do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (NIV) 

As you look into the unknown; take that "leap of faith" you know you need to take. Don't fear or be dismayed, because God is with you and He is your God. He loves you and promises to strengthen and help you along your path. Go in peace, knowing God is with you and He's got your back! 

 
 
A brief summary of why I wrote this: There's a ministry on the West-side of Chicago called Mission:USA; every Tuesday night they have a Church service called The BRIDGE. Their services are open to everybody, but especially those who find it hard to gel in their local congregations! Or to put into cruder terms; a lot of these men and women are ex-offenders, homeless and low-income folk who have felt ostracized and rejected by many churches, so their mission is to be a bridge between prison, the streets and the Church. The Bridge helps these wonderful men and women find churches that will welcome them with open arms.....
And isn't this exactly what the Gospel and the "Kingdom of God" is all about?
 
Every Tuesday night, The Bridge has a host team from a Church, who greet the guests and provide a meal. The guests anonymously submit questions about their "walk of faith", and staff from The Bridge pick out a relevant question. Meanwhile, they have invited 3 pastors from 3 different churches to come and give a 10 minute sermon each about this specific question or topic. In my humble opinion, this is a great concept and ministry, who's staff is very loving, compassionate and supportive to the "least of these".

This was a sermon preached on 12/09/14, in response to this question;“Breaking the Cycle”
I keep telling myself that I’ll make changes, and another day goes by, and nothing gets done. In a way I know I’m making excuses, but at the same time I just don’t know where to start. All I know is, I’m tired of being this way.
 


Sunday, November 16, 2014

The Mysterious Gifts of God

A few years ago I was unemployed; struggling to find a job and unsure of what I was going to do! My long term plan was to come over here to Chicago, but I had hardly any money and had just graduated from Bible College, so I also had quite a lofty debt hanging over my head. 

I was praying for a solution. I wanted God to intervene. Quickly! I desperately wanted Him to gift me with something. I didn't want to just sit around and collect the "dole" (the New Zealand term for receiving unemployment benefits). I knew how dangerous "doing nothing" could be for me, having once struggled through a crippling depression.

I needed something and I spent a lot of time praying for an answer; praying for God's intervention!

I was jobless for several months, and then out of the blue, a friend of mine from Church told me he could get me a job, painting houses! I was thankful to God. I viewed this opportunity as a gift from God. I was sure God had intervened and opened a door, just for me! So I took it!  

I remember driving to one of the richest suburbs of Auckland, called Remuera, and being alone inside this huge empty house and surrounded by white walls. Other people had spray painted, my job was to follow and touch up with a paint brush. The fumes were overwhelming. So I drove home that evening, feeling light-headed and with a headache. The fumes had got me pretty good; I was high! 

I knew the danger; white walls, overwhelming paint fumes and the potential to be immersed in my own thoughts. I knew such work could rapidly send me back into the horrifying depths of depression I had once wallowed in as a teenager! 

That night, I wrestled with God. Was this job really a gift from Him? Was it something He gave me? Would I disappoint Him if I quit?

That night, I also wrestled with the fact that a close friend of mine, from Church, got me this job. Many people knew this. I knew that if I quit, people may look down on me and judge me. I was scared people would see me as a slacker and a "dole-bludger". (This is a New Zealand term, meaning someone who is capable of working and could work, but has no intention of working and is collecting an unemployment benefit). 

That night, I wrestled so intensely, I felt so stressed, I hardly slept and became sick to my stomach. I wanted to do right, but the truth is, in that moment I didn't know what was right! 

The following morning I still felt a little sick, so I plucked up enough courage and called my new boss. We had one of those confusing, yet highly amusing, conversations; I told him I was quitting and he told me I was fired! And just like that; It was over! It was done! I could breathe again, but I had lingering questions and a cloud of guilt hovering over me. Did I deny a gift God had given me?

I can't remember the exact time-frame, but I know it wasn't very long at all. I saw an "ad", took a brief course, got my special license and started driving taxis. This job didn't feel like a gift from God, but it was there, so I thought I'd just give it a go. 

Cab driving was certainly not a glamorous job. It was hard! It was dangerous! It was long hours! I worked the graveyard shift and experienced and saw things I would have never imagined. I won't go into all the details, but I experienced the dark and evil side of the city. I saw it's disgusting underbelly. I saw what upright people do in the dark. I saw the secret and dirty lives of the rich, famous and elite. Yet, despite all this, I also saw how generosity and compassion can flow wonderfully out of people that society had deemed pathetic and unforgivable. 

Every night, I saw it all; whereas I saw plenty of love and compassion, the negativity was far more intense and gripping. The truth is; every night I couldn't escape the lasting and crippling affects of the rampant violence, addiction, poverty, injustice and inequality that plagues society.

Cab driving was intense. It was rough. It was painful. It was lonely. One night, I was even robbed! Two guys decided to press a knife against my throat while still driving, take my money and then toss me into my own trunk and drive me around in it! Another night, five young fellas decided to beat me and take my cash. All this to say; driving taxis was a traumatic adventure, filled with plenty of drama. (To read more about these stories, click on this link: Taxi Driving, Homelessness and A Life of Traumatic Events!)

You may ask: why would I give up the peaceful tranquility of painting white walls for this? Why would I sacrifice my own safety to live a life full of so much risk and danger? But you know what? That was just where God wanted me to be at that time. I didn't know it then, but I know it now! He gave me a gift, I just didn't know it. 

Isaiah 55:8-9 says; “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (NIV)

This verse reveals the mystery and love of God. He knows what we need! He knows what we need before we know it! I believe He didn't want me to be stuck by myself, sucking in paint fumes in luxurious mansions, He wanted to prepare me for my future. He wanted to open my eyes to the world. He wanted me to do this dangerous job, because He had something bigger and better in store for me.  

(As a side note, I was also able to make quick money to get over here to Chicago and pay off my College debt.)

God's thoughts and ways are far above mine. He knows what we need before we know it. He gifts us in mysterious and strange ways, and often, we won't realize it until many years later. While we're crying "Why Lord? Why me?", He's doing loving works, mysteriously behind our backs. I look back now and say "thank you Lord" for enduring through my cab driving experiences.

For those who don't know, I work with people experiencing homelessness and poverty on the Northside of Chicago. I help run a large homeless shelter in Uptown. I work with a lot of people who've been locked up, struggle with addictions and face extreme hardships. I see and experience a lot of what I saw and experienced as a cab driver.

It's unmistakable to me now; driving a taxi was an essential part of my journey. I don't think I could do what I do now, without having first jumped into that risky job! God knew that back then, I didn't!

I want to now look at another verse; the Apostle Paul said in Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (NIV)

To be honest with you all; in the midst of it all, it can be hard to discern what gifts are from God and what are not! Sometimes what we perceive as good, can be so detrimental, and what we perceive as detrimental, will be good! The gifts that God gives us are often laced in mystery, but we can't forget, He gifts us because He loves us. 

This verse from Romans gives us hope; it echoes the verses from Isaiah, and together they are telling us that God mysteriously and lovingly works behind the scenes; making impossible dreams become possible. He has the power and ability to turn what's negative and detrimental into something positive and good! He does this, because He loves us so much!
I want to close by saying: God loves us, He's gifting us and is "working for the good of those who love him". In knowing this, I believe we must dedicate our lives to loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to loving our neighbors as ourselves. 

I want to encourage you all with this final word: Go out and live in these promises, trust that God loves you dearly, has your back and "works for the good of those who love him!" ��

A brief summary of why I wrote this: There's a ministry on the West-side of Chicago called Mission:USA; every Tuesday night they have a Church service called The BRIDGE. Their services are open to everybody, but especially those who find it hard to gel in their local congregations! Or to put into cruder terms; a lot of these men and women are ex-offenders, homeless and low-income folk who have felt ostracized and rejected by many churches, so their mission is to be a bridge between prison, the streets and the Church. The Bridge helps these wonderful men and women find churches that will welcome them with open arms.....
And isn't this exactly what the Gospel and the "Kingdom of God" is all about?
 
Every Tuesday night, The Bridge has a host team from a Church, who greet the guests and provide a meal. The guests anonymously submit questions about their "walk of faith", and staff from The Bridge pick out a relevant question. Meanwhile, they have invited 3 pastors from 3 different churches to come and give a 10 minute sermon each about this specific question or topic. In my humble opinion, this is a great concept and ministry, who's staff is very loving, compassionate and supportive to the "least of these".

This was a sermon preached on 11/11/14, in response to this question;“God's Gifts”


What does it really mean for God to give you something? How do I know when God would want to reward me? How do I know if something is a blessing from the Lord, or something I’m just chasing? And when I do get a gift from God, how am I supposed to know what to do with it?

"They Just Won't Believe Me!"

This question is very real; trust me, I hear it all the time!

I have people come see me and they're frustrated! They're trying, they are trying really hard. They're trying to follow Christ and they're telling everyone what He's done in their lives. The problem is, people, (especially the ones who know them the most), seem to be the very ones throwing the biggest stones. They are tossing their past around, reminding people of who they are and what they've done! They love reminding everyone of how they used to smoke dope together, gang-bang together, rob people and do other crazy stuff. They love to put their "tainted past" on parade!

The issue to them is, they know Jesus has radically changed them, so they cry out, "hey, take a look at me! Jesus changed me! He can change you too!" But those who hear these words, just laugh, mock and deny the miracle God has done!

I think this is hardest among the people who know us the most! People who know us the most, often think we're all words and no action. No matter what we've done, no matter how much we've changed and no matter how much we love Jesus, there will always be people who just don't believe us or they're not ready to trust us yet. They even did this to Jesus and He didn't have a "tainted reputation" to overcome.

When God radically saves people, especially those with "bad reputations", there's always going to be people who think and say; "how could Jesus save someone like you?", "I've heard this script before" and "quit playing; you're all talk, no action!"

Unfortunately, we also live in a society that doesn't forgive people, and it often doesn't want to either. It wants to just condemn and ridicule. It often resorts to punishment and retribution for those who are "already at the bottom." I work in a homeless shelter, and I see the consequences; they're harsh! Society doesn't care if you've given your life to Jesus. Society doesn't care if you've changed. The reality is, people can't get housing because they got caught smoking a blunt 15 years ago, another person can't get employed because he got arrested years ago for getting into a fight and another fella continually gets harassed by the police because he used to be a known gang-banger. You know the stories; felonies and bad reputations follow us around like a bad infection; they're next to impossible to get rid of. They're hard to escape from.

But we live in this reality, so somehow we have to deal it!

Tonight I want to encourage you all, because I know it's incredibly difficult; especially if you're trying your hardest to do everything you're supposed to. Jesus has forgiven you, but society hasn't, your friends haven't, and too often, the church is there, casting stones as well! It sucks and it's wrong! But somehow, we gotta deal with it and find a way to spread the miraculous love of Jesus.

People are going to "think what they think", and people are going to "do what they do"; but we can't let them "live rent-free in our heads". You know what God's done in your life, you know His love and you know the miracle. You want other people to know that too. My friends, it takes time, people aren't going to just believe in you or believe you immediately. They want to see it in your actions, you're going to have to prove yourself, and that takes time!

Despite the negativity that often gets flung at us, I believe deep down, people do want to see the miracles God does; they want to see Jesus changing people's lives, especially those who have done terrible things, but people have been duped too many times. People want to see God's Kingdom in action, they want to see changed lives, but as a caution, they hold people at arm's length, not wanting to feel like a sucker again.

It comes down to this: Words don't mean nothing until they see sustained change in our lives!

I want to encourage us all with 2 verses tonight; Paul says in Galatians 6:9-10; "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith." (NASB)

Firstly; we must not lose heart. Paul encouraged his readers to not lose heart. He knew how easily distressed and discouraged we can become. He knew we could feel utterly defeated. Especially when everyone's slamming us, it's hard to stay positive. Paul tells us, "let us not lose heart in doing good."

Paul had to go through this himself; he got his reputation by persecuting Christians. He acted like a police man or government official who had permission to stone Christians to death. He took pleasure in doing this! He was a motivated and determined man! Paul had an awful reputation. But Jesus met him on the road to Damascus and miraculously changed him forever. Paul started preaching and sharing the love, but when people first saw him, they didn't want to believe him, they still saw him as a hater and a killer. Acts 9:19-21 says; they "were not at all sure they could trust him, they kept saying, “Isn’t this the man who wreaked havoc in Jerusalem among the believers? And didn’t he come here to do the same thing—arrest us and drag us off to jail in Jerusalem for sentencing by the high priests?”

Paul had to go through the same thing, he was labeled. He had to not lose heart! Paul would have heard similar things that some of you may have heard! You might hear; "once a thug, always a thug; once a crackhead, always a crackhead; once a rat, always a rat," Paul no doubt heard words like; "once a Pharisee; always a Pharisee; once a killer; always a killer!" You get it! Paul had to fight negativity, just like us; he had to not lose heart, just like we do today,

It took time for Paul, he had to prove that his words gelled with his actions. We need to shove aside the negativity and keep listening to the truth, the truth that reveals that Jesus has changed us and loves us deeply.

Be encouraged; do not lose heart, stay positive, keep the faith, keep your eyes on the cross!

Secondly; we must not grow weary in doing good. Despite all the opposition, Paul encourages us to keep at it! Do not drift away, do not give up, stay on the path. Despite the opposition, keep your eyes focused on the prize, and keep aiming at it! Persevere. Be patient!

This is imperative; weariness can be so deadly, it can be so destructive. Paul is saying, "don't let it defeat you." Because if you grow weary, it will eventually defeat you! When no one is believing us, or listening to us, it's so easy to lift our arms in despair and say, "forget it Lord, I want answers, I want to see results!"

We also have to remember that we become weary when we think we can do it all on own own. Jesus loves our friends and family more than we do. We need to remember that. They are in God's hands. Jesus is working in them. Jesus loves them more than we can ever imagine!

At this point; all we can do is pray! There's a time to just keep quiet and pray; say "Lord, they're yours, they're in your hands!" The psalmist said, "be still and know that I am God!" When we try and control someone's destiny, when we try and control the situation, when we try and make someone listen who doesn't want to listen, we will become weary. When we try and be God, we'll become weary! We need to let God be God.

When I feel weary, it's often because I'm trying to control the situation, I'm trying to force change! I'm not being still and letting God be in charge. When I'm trying to run the show, that's when I feel overwhelmed and helpless! I need to surrender myself back to God; I do this by praying. I can't change people! God does!

Let me tell you; there's so much peace in letting go. There's peace in praying. There's peace in being still and letting God be God.

Thirdly; Paul tells us to do good to all people whenever we have the opportunity. By surrendering to God, I'm not suggesting that we distant ourselves from the world to continuously pray. No; we need to be active, we need to "do good to all people". Our strongest witness will often not be our words, but our actions! People watch us, they want to see how we respond, how we act and how we react.

Paul wants us to keep at it; "whenever we have the opportunity". He's telling us, do good, all the time, to all people. Don't have vacations in doing good, don't choose who you'll be good too; help, assist and love the people you come in contact with. It doesn't matter if they're friends, family or enemies, let Christ work in and through you.

Doing good may be resisting the bottle, it may be giving away some of your money, it may be volunteering or it may be helping a neighbor carry her groceries upstairs.

One of the strongest displays of witnessing I have seen recently is; this guy who I know very well, who can become very angry, has the reputation of fighting. The other day, someone came up to him and started getting his face, calling him names and provoking him. This guy resisted that urge to fight and hurt that person. He could could have splattered this drunk man over the pavement, but he choose to do good! He choose peace. He choose to pray. When this happened, the people who know him, saw Christ working through him!

I want to close with something else Paul tells us in these verses, he says "in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

I want to encourage you all with this: It takes time, but it's about God's timing, not ours! God is at work in you and in the people we're in contact with. His Holy Spirit is maneuvering in secret and wonderful ways. He will use the good we're doing for His Kingdom! We need to let God be God, because God sees and He brings about change and salvation, we don't. We just need to just keep being faithful to Him, no matter the circumstances.

Do good and may God do His work in and through us all.

A brief summary of why I wrote this: There's a ministry on the West-side of Chicago called Mission:USA; every Tuesday night they have a Church service called The BRIDGE. Their services are open to everybody, but especially those who find it hard to gel in their local congregations! Or to put into cruder terms; a lot of these men and women are ex-offenders, homeless and low-income folk who have felt ostracized and rejected by many churches, so their mission is to be a bridge between prison, the streets and the Church. The Bridge helps these wonderful men and women find churches that will welcome them with open arms.....

And isn't this exactly what the Gospel and the "Kingdom of God" is all about?

Every Tuesday night, The Bridge has a host team from a Church, who greet the guests and provide a meal. The guests anonymously submit questions about their "walk of faith", and staff from The Bridge pick out a relevant question. Meanwhile, they have invited 3 pastors from 3 different churches to come and give a 10 minute sermon each about this specific question or topic. In my humble opinion, this is a great concept and ministry, who's staff is very loving, compassionate and supportive to the "least of these".

This was a sermon preached on 10/21/14, in response to this question;“Witnessing to my Friends”


I’m trying to witness to my friends and my family, and trust me, I want them to know all about how God has been good to me, but there are problems. Some of the people from my old life are just not hearing me at all on this, I haven’t exactly been a saint in my past, so people look at me kind of funny when I talk about church to them. Can I really overcome this? If so, where do I start? What do I say? I want to be a good witness for the Lord if I can, I just don’t know how.