A Time of Introspection and Reflection!

It's been almost 4 years since we arrived in Aotearoa. New Zealand. At the time, we had no intention of making this beautiful country our permanent residence, but after much thought, many discussions and countless prayers, we decided to stay. This decision wasn't easy, it hasn't been easy, and our current journey isn't easy. We're trying to adapt to many new ways, systems, mannerisms, priorities, cultures, battles, heartbreaks, challenges, celebrations, and even a new side of the road to drive on 🤣. We're trying to adapt to a new life. 4 years seems long.. 4 years seems so short.

In saying that, our journey is and has been beautiful, exciting, daunting, stressful, strange, enlightening and wonderful. We can predict where our paths may lead, but it doesn't mean we'll end up arriving there. And just because we may end up at a different location than anticipated, it doesn't mean we've failed, because our journeys can be unexpected, unpredictable and spectacular. We didn't expect to be where we are now, and we certainly don't know where it will all lead.

I'm in this time of introspection and reflection. I lived in and embraced Chicago for 25 years. I love the Windy City and its beautiful people. I met my wife there, and our children were born there. 25 years is a long time. Adjusting to a new culture and way of doing things doesn't happen automatically; it takes time! Our family's complexities go way beyond just changing countries; we moved from an intentional Christian community to renting a 3-bedroom house, here in Waitākere. We went from living rent-free to paying rent! We went from not getting paid to getting paid! We've had to adjust from a constant chaotic noisiness to a quietening that still dabs in the chaotic. It all takes time! I have found the silence of West Auckland pleasant, but also deafening. I found Glen Eden's silence stressful, but also relaxing.

Adapting to a new country is confusing! Little subtle changes sneak up on you and can be painful, while big, in-your-face changes can soothe your soul. Or vice versa!

When I've blogged, my main focal point has been the effects and injustice of homelessness and how it relates to my faith in Jesus. It's time for a slight change of focus. It's time to reflect. It's time for some introspection. It's a time of embracing dreams, a time of seeing where this ever-flowing stream will take us. It's time for me to stand back and observe where I've come from and how it's made me, me! I pray this time of introspection and reflection will help me and my focus. I pray this time of introspection and reflection will help guide me on my journey going forward.

And... that's what I'm going to focus my writing/blogging on for a while. I need this! I know I need this! I need to reflect on my ever-evolving chaotic journey by celebrating the good, mourning the losses, forgiving those who have damaged me, repenting of the wrongs I've done and living in hope for a better tomorrow.

So, where am I and what am I saying?

I was brought up in a conservative Christian family that was fully churched. We got dressed up and did Church activities multiple times every week. My parents and church taught me to honour and respect the Bible, so much so, I read it and studied it and used it to form my own opinions. I even went to Bible College to delve even deeper, and the more I delved, the more questions arose!  The more clarity I gained, the more I realised how little I knew, and the more I realised that following Jesus is primarily about love, about loving our neighbours, especially our most marginalised neighbours.

My church was a predominantly white, somewhat affluent congregation, and out of that privileged setting, I decided to enter a very different world. I made three decisions that challenged my faith in brand-new ways: I drove taxis in Tāmaki Makaurau (Auckland), I moved to Chicago to live in an intentional Christian community where we shared possessions, and I started working in a large homeless shelter. From a position of security and privilege, I entered into a world where I was surrounded by poverty, by violence, by incarceration, by oppression and by suffering. By entering into this world, I couldn't escape a range of new questions that surfaced.

My experiences, my journey, the beautiful people I've met and know and love, and the Jesus I've studied and experienced and read about in the Bible challenged me in what I thought I knew! I had questions, questions, and more questions! In other words, I've been through a lot, read a lot and seen a lot, and sometimes, maybe even oftentimes, pretty much all the time, I'm trying to figure out how our loving, liberating, saving Jesus connects to this rugged, twisted world we currently exist in.

My faith journey isn't static; it's constantly evolving and expanding.

I am trekking along, deconstructing and reconstructing my faith. I believe my love and respect for the Bible compels me to deconstruct and reconstruct. I believe my love and respect for my fellow human beings, especially those most vulnerable, compels me to deconstruct and reconstruct. My love and respect for Jesus, the Saviour, the great Liberator, compels me to deconstruct and reconstruct.

Why?

...because, how can you not, when you see the injustice and dehumanising effects of homelessness every day.

...because, how can you not, when you see two cops physically and verbally assault a suicidal Vietnam veteran, and you chase those two down and beg them to "do right".

...because, how can you not, when you know there's genocide happening to our beloved Palestinians, Congolese and Sudanese brothers and sisters. They are currently being dehumanised and destroyed, and demoralised before our eyes.

...because, how can you not, when you fear for your own child, who's transgender. This is not a fake fear, because I've witnessed, for years, a spewing of toxicity and hate and violence and rejection from Christians and people of power on those who are in the rainbow community.

...because, how can you not, when you've seen racist and classist policies like mass incarceration, the war on drugs, redlining, and housing discrimination wreck the lives of countless people you know.

I will keep questioning...

I will keep questioning conservative Christian ideologies, which are rooted in colonisation and slave ownership.

I will keep questioning that "us vs them" faith, where we are saved by grace, but there's no grace for certain people in society.

I will keep questioning any faith rooted in power, money, prestige and control instead of the humility, meekness and poverty Jesus demonstrated and called his followers to.

I will keep questioning any faith that says they're Bible-Based, but somehow overlook what Jesus repeatedly said about riches and abusive people in power, yet they find time to condemn and ridicule a group of people Jesus didn't speak about at all: those in the rainbow community.

I will keep questioning any faith that lives in stark contrast with those words of Jesus to "love our neighbours as ourselves" and "as you've done it to the least of these, you've done it to me".

I will keep questioning, because I'm trying to get that oppressive exclusive crap out of me, and I know Jesus came to "bring good news to the poor, freedom for the oppressed, recovery of sight to the blind, liberation for prisoners, and to proclaim the favourable year of the Lord"

I am in a time of reflection and introspection because the way I once viewed the world is no longer how I view it. My faith is evolving and expanding, and oh, how I've changed! I need to keep looking to my God, my Jesus, who is a lover and liberator and saviour of the marginalised and those he lovingly identified as "the least of these".

I am in a time of reflection and introspection because Jesus opposed the empire and was targeted by and crucified by the empire, yet we live in a time where many Christians, especially those rooted in colonisation, stand in allegiance with the empire and target those who oppose the empire. My continuing journey is to walk away from any allegiance to empires. My continuing journey is to live in the revolutionary love demonstrated by Jesus, where the poor and the peacemakers and the persecuted know that the "Kingdom of Heaven" is theirs.

I am in a time of reflection and introspection because I am called to imitate and follow the way of Jesus, who includes and liberates and invites and loves. I need to reflect and be introspective because, moving forward, I want to look back, so I can be better at being inclusive and liberating and inviting and loving.

If you made it this far, well done!!

There's a lot in what I've written that I would love to expand and explore. I plan to expand and explore. We'll see what happens...

For a little while, I'll be focused on this ever-evolving journey I'm on. I have already written about being bullied, how it affected me and how it helped make me, me. I'm writing another on the choices I've made, and another on my childhood fear of God banishing me to hell, and another on moving out of Jesus People and trying to adapt to what some may call normalcy. I've got other reflections I feel I need to reflect on. We'll see how it all pans out!