Opposites Celebrate 50 Years

Today (September 23rd) is my parents 50th wedding anniversary. They have been and are a beautiful example of love and commitment to all who know them. We were in New Zealand last month and we had a party to celebrate their amazing 50 years together. This was my speech.....

We didn't have a childhood full of drama, in fact, it was pretty predictable! We knew the routine and we felt safe! Mum and dad were reliable and consistent.

Whether it involved Weet-Bix in the morning, mowing the lawn, elders meetings, dad's lunch box, going to church twice every Sunday, going to the library, the dice rattling from the cup used in Triple Yahtzee after we'd gone to bed, getting no more than 2 squares of Cadbury's energy chocolate or holidaying in Whangamata, we knew the routine and in many ways it helped us feel safe and secure! 

Dad especially is a creature of habit and someone who thinks it's a grave sin to be late, or as mum loves to call him, "boring"! Mum has always a lot more spontaneous, a "go-getter" and someone who likes shine brightly. This is part of what makes their marriage special, they are in many ways opposites or at least vastly different! Even though mum knows she's a fashion icon who loves shopping and entertaining strangers, she's married to my dad, who couldn't care less what he wears, gravitates into a library when mum shops and openly admits he loves his own company and that of a rugby match in his own lounge. 

They are opposites, and yet they've been married for 50 years! I can honestly say, I can't even recall a time when I thought their marriage was in trouble! Divorce was never in the picture. This made us feel safe and secure. We knew they'd be there when we woke up, came home from school and went to bed at night! It was a given! 

Mum and dad used to always reiterate to us kids how they never fought, how they didn't even argue and how lucky we were because of that! We didn't really appreciate that back then, and we also tried to pit them against each other and make them argue! It never worked. They were rock solid, they were a team, they never seemed to even question each other, even when there was undeniable evidence one of them was wrong.

When we went to the States in 88; I was a teenager at the time! After a couple of nights in Hawaii, we were due to fly back to the Auckland and we went to the airport. We arrived there, only to find that we should have flown out the day before! This was a shock to us, knowing dad as the reliable and "always on time" fella that he is. We ended up sleeping on the airport floor for a few of nights until we could catch an available plane. 

Eventually, something came available for mum and us kids, but we had to fly to Sydney and then wait for a connecting flight home. We jump on the plane, leaving dad to wait for another seat to open. Poor mum was so stressed out! Finally, after quite a few hours we arrive in Auckland to dad waiting for us with his car. He'd got on a direct flight straight to Auckland, and not only that, he was upgraded to first class. 

Like I said, mum was extremely stressed out by the whole ordeal, yet we were greeted by dad laughing with that cocky grin only he possesses when his rugby league team wins and then proceeds to show us everything he got in first class. Suffice to say, mum was not as impressed as he was! 

They didn't fight over that, life continued as usual, but there was a not-too-subtle change that happened that day! Years later, mum told Beth and I how that was the time she learned to not always trust that dad is always right. She told us how, in Hawaii, she had thought he'd got the dates wrong, but she never questioned him or rechecked and we reaped the consequences. Life changed that day, mum realized something us kids always knew, dad could be wrong and now she questions him. 

Thank you, mum and dad, for being on the same page and for not fighting even when times were tough, you are such a great example! 

Part of mum and dad not fighting and loving each other all these years is that they have allowed each other be themselves! Mum hasn't nagged dad to come out of his shell and become a social butterfly and dad hasn't tried to restrain mum and prevent her from starting all the things she has done and is doing! (I don't he could have stopped her if he tried) This is something beautiful, especially since they come from an era in which women were prevented from countless things!  

   

I was their child who verbally challenged the way they did things! This lead to some fairly intense conflicts between dad and I. One of these altercations was about dad claiming to be the head of the house, while mum was obviously running the show! Even though dad claimed headship, I was watching a beautiful partnership where they were allowing each other to grow. Out of their love, they both allowed each other to grow! 

Dad's love for mum is absolutely undeniable! For a dude who's emotions don't fluctuate much, they do when it comes to both Jesus and mum. It isn't a romantic, shower you with gifts kind of love! It is an "I'm always there, I'm your rock", kind of love, just what I believe mum has needed. Dad is mum's stabilizer. Mum isn't someone who likes to be caged and dad has always allowed her the freedom to explore new things and be the person God intended her to be. 

Dad; thank you for demonstrating how to put God and mum before everything else. Your love for Jesus and your love for mum has been a wonderful example to us all. 

Finally, to add to what I just mentioned. Mum's energy, mum's love and compassion, mum's genuine positivity and her desire to keep sharing that love have always inspired me. Whether it was starting M and Ms, Evergreens, doing bible in schools or traveling around the country with that mysterious instrument called an Omnichord, your energy and passion have always been an inspiration. Thank you for not giving up and persevering.

Mum and dad, thank you for your generosity, your love, and your example. Thank you for never giving up on us and always being there for us. We love you.