The God of Outcasts

Matt wandered into Church early with his bulging backpack, sat in the back row, with his usual cup of coffee. He always had too many layers on, that would extenuate the pungent whiffs of cigarettes, marijuana, and his musty clothes. It was an adventure sitting next to Matt, as he lived in a tent down the street, and therefore, struggled to stay awake throughout the service. Matt was someone who didn't know how to talk quietly, so when he was awake, he would whisper to me with his loud foggy voice, followed by his impulsive croaky laugh. He would cause heads to turn and faces to frown as he'd tell me of his need to smoke a blunt, how he was going to get retribution on some fellas that "did him wrong", while always asking me about my family. Whereas Matt struggled to control his impulses, he did his best to be respectful. I don't know how much he heard, but the one thing I do know is he loved Jesus, he knew he needed Jesus, so as an act of faith, he faithfully came and always sung the worship songs with his gruff voice, word for word. 

Bonnie and Carol were older women who both experienced homelessness and had serious health problems. They didn't know each other but were quite similar. It didn't matter how late they'd arrive, it didn't matter how noisy the wheelchair was, they'd slowly move right up to the front, where they'd be fully involved by shouting their "amens", or loudly protesting at times. While they were both gentle and caring, they were very overprotective and ready to "knock me out" if I veered from the path or if they thought I did Beth wrong. They were constantly thinking of others, by being incredibly generous, handing out gifts, and showering us with words of encouragement. 

I got to know Floyd and Leroy because they were paroled to CCO about 20 years ago. Though one was tall and the other short, they were easy to recognize, as they both had bulging biceps from countless push-ups in the Joint. Though visually they looked threatening, they were very gentle and kind, seeking to help those in need. Life wasn't kind to them at all, their muscles slowly shrunk, as they had bouts of homelessness and drug addiction, as well as some continued major health issues. Despite the chronic pain and the surgeries, despite the struggles, despite knowing their weaknesses, they remained full of faith and love for others, always encouraging and staying hopeful. They both knew who they needed, kept looking to him, and tried to follow in his steps - as Leroy always proclaimed, "in Jesus name".

Beverly would show up at Church pushing her shopping cart, often intoxicated and unfazed if she barged into anyone. Instead of speaking, she yelled in this gruff tone, that went from trying to bully us to being sneaky and humorous. Beverly was like a raging bull in a china shop, so we'd give her multiple cups of coffee, hoping it would sober her up and mellow her out. She loved the attention, so she'd often yell out to whoever was preaching or even try to get on to the stage at times. I got on well with her, so I would often shadow her as she moved from seat to seat, trying to stop her from causing too much of a disturbance. Sometimes, she'd get mad at me and yell out "why don't you go back to New Zillion?" and then follow that with throwing back her head and laugh. On certain Sunday's Beverly seemed unstoppable, and we'd have to get her out, where we'd end up sitting outside, chatting, and drinking coffee together. There were many times Beverley would soak our shoulders with her tears, mourning the loss of family members, and seeking God's mercy, and when she'd pray her voice would become calm and soft, revealing a troubled heart that was so loving and full of faith. 

Uptown was Johnny’s stomping ground, the alleyways and bridges knew him too well. He was a survivor who endured hate crimes and decades of homelessness. Even though his journey was one of the roughest I've ever known, he managed to ride his bike to mass most mornings. Even though he struggled to free himself from the bottle, he often shared with me how he needed God and His mercy. As an act of faith, Johnny made his way to the humble little church which always welcomed him and Uptown's poorest of the poor, no matter what state they were in. This was a place where he found a little peace from the hostile world, where he was accepted for who he was, blessed by the very gentle and loving Father Powell, took the sacraments, and ate breakfast. 

I write this out of respect and in remembrance of my friends who have passed away recently. I knew them all personally. They represent different races, genders, and personalities. Their journeys were full of rejection, injustice, violence, and sadness. They were united in the sad reality of the trauma of homelessness in their lives, but they were united in the joyful reality of a faith that cried out "I believe! Help my unbelief!" and "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner."

What's beautiful to me is they represent the faith and righteousness Jesus called for. They struggled to fit into churches, they were seen as too poor, too dirty, too disgraceful, caused too many disturbances, and too sinful, while Jesus lovingly opens his door and says, "welcome home, come on in and find rest". Even though they found compassion and community in the likes of Jesus People and St. Augustine's, they were more often than not rejected and despised in the same way certain people were cast out for not meeting the Pharisees' standards. My friends didn't fit into the mold churches often want, but thankfully they do fit into God's mold. 

Jesus made it clear that our ways are not His ways. He was almost thrown off a cliff because he revealed how God is on the side of outcasts, people who are despised and rejected. They wanted to commit murder because Jesus pointed out how the prophets Elijah and Elisha helped 2 foreigners instead of "their own" (Luke 4). This was not an isolated incident, Jesus chose to be on the side of outcasts, and he was despised and rejected for it. His eventual execution was plotted early on because of when he healed, who he hung out with, and where he went. This is the loving God we serve, he became despised and rejected to give hope and salvation to those who are despised and rejected. 

Jesus wants us to come to him with what we have, however small it may seem, to seek his help. When the father cried "I do believe; help my unbelief!" Jesus healed his son (Mark 9). God is on the side of doubters. He knows we're on our journeys with all our complex struggles and doubts, he doesn't expect us to be perfect, he wants us to come to him with our limited faith and understanding and ask for help. This is what I saw with my friends, I heard them pray variations of this prayer many times, they knew they needed God, they knew they only had a little, so they came with what they had, and sought his help. 

Jesus wants us to be real, and not pretend we have it all together. God is also on the side of the humble. Jesus was very blunt when he compared how the tax-collector and the Pharisee prayed, telling us only one went home righteous; it was the humble tax-collector, who fell to his knees and couldn't look up to heaven, who cried out in humility "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner". This is the prayer of those experiencing homelessness. This is the prayer of those in jail. This is the prayer of the outcast. This is the prayer of my friends mentioned above. I can't recount how many times I've heard prayers like this prayed, knowing they're unworthy, with tears flowing, in utter humility, knowing they need mercy, knowing our only hope is our loving compassionate God. 

I mourn the fact these 7 friends are now gone, they all left this earth far too early. But one thing I know, God has not cast them out, he heard their prayers, he has embraced them, they are suffering no more, and they now have found rest in his loving arms. 

• Rest in Peace Beverley, Bonnie, Carol, Matt, Floyd, Leroy, and Johnny... 
• there are a few others I could have mentioned who we also lost recently. Rest In Peace Maurice, Michael, Richard, Toby, and I know I'm missing some!
• You are all deeply missed. Until we meet again...